Judging of the Heart
by Kitt Chaos
Summary: A trap's blade ends Mahaad's mortal life, but permits him to become the pharaoh's guardian, the Dark Magician. What happens to Mahaad's wounded soul while he is recovering within the stone tablet?
1. Resolute

Disclaimer -

Yu-Gi-Oh! and all its characters, are the legal and intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi and any entities he has granted legal rights to. I claim no rights at all with my story. I greatly admire and feel gratitude to Mr. Takahashi for the amazing story and characters of Yu-Gi-Oh!

Author's notes -

The Ancient Egypt Memory World Arc in Yu-Gi-Oh! inspired me to do some research into Egyptian mythology before tackling this story, which draws on my limited understanding of some of those concepts. The simple version is below. Please look at my writing journal (the link is in my profile) for more detail and links.

Ka - As used in the Yu-Gi-Oh! canon, in some people, ka was something of a person's "spirit", or even a "guardian angel" (as in the case of Kisara - though she used her ka to protect Seto). With Mahaad, there was something of the idea that his ka was also part of his personal power, as well as a guardian force.

Ba - To simplify this story, and be more in accord with the Yu-Gi-Oh! canon, I'm using ba simply as "soul".

Yb - The concept roughly means spiritual heart, so it was a person's moral center, the source of good and evil in that person. As we generally consider our truest selves to exist within our minds, it appears ancient Egyptians believed that one's truest self dwelt within his yb, or heart.

Ren - One's true name. I prefer the idea that one needs to discover one's own true name, so even Mahaad does not know what his is!

Akh - It was believed that, after death, if one successfully passed the weighing of the heart, one's ka and ba were united into one, becoming akh. Akhu (the plural for this word) had many abilities, not the least of which was passing into the Fields of the Blessed to live with the gods.

Ma'at and the weighing of the heart - Ma'at is the concept that there is a universal order which dispels chaos. Ma'at is also the proper name of a goddess, the goddess of truth, order and balance. One's yb (heart) was weighed against either Ma'at herself, or her feather, as a way to judge how good or evil that person had been during life. If the heart was weighed down by sins, it would not balance against the feather, and Anubis would feed that heart to Ammut, giving that person over to final death.

Anubis - Despite the Yu-Gi-Oh! movie, Anubis was not a god of evil or death. In fact, he was the friend of the dead, having devised the rituals that helped ensure the dead person's body would be properly preserved, and that the person's heart would not betray him during the judgement, and thus, hopefully, earn that person a blessed place in the afterlife. I've decided to make Anubis Mahaad's personal patron deity, as Mahaad had been given the task of ensuring the sanctity of the pharaoh's tomb in the story.

Wepwawet - Another jackal-headed deity, who might in fact be another aspect of Anubis, his task was to carefully lead the dead safely through many trials (gates, actually) to the Halls of Ma'ati where the weighing of that person's heart took place.

Maahes - A lion-headed deity who was a god of war. As with many of the Egyptian deities, and distinctly _unlike_ Greek or Roman deities, Maahes has several spheres of influence. I decided to make Maahes an important deity to Mahaad's family in this story.

As always, whenever I venture into actual Egyptian mythology in my stories, many thanks to Lucidscreamer. (She has an account here if you want to read some of her amazing stories.) Your willingness to help me with research into all things ancient Egyptian is an invaluable resource to me!

**Judging of the Heart**

**Chapter One - Resolute**

As the sun rises in the sky, and I begin my prayers to greet the sunrise, I feel -- something. It is a strange feeling, gentle and swift, almost as if an embrace brushes my soul, or someone whispers the true name of my heart. Reasoning that the feeling can't possibly herald anything malign, I continue my devotions, marshaling my thoughts into the mindset I know I will require today. Today is the day that I will have to...

I will have to place myself, everything -- my hopes, my fears, my dreams, my destiny, my heart --directly into the hands of the gods. I permit myself a slight, worried, yet deeply heart-felt prayer that those hands will hold me with profound gentleness. Though they are not capricious, I know that what I hope will happen flies in the face of everything my people believe about life, death and what comes after -- and could perhaps enrage my deities. I only hope that the reason behind my revolutionary actions will serve as my defense. That, and the true humility in my heart. I'd never dare to gamble with the gods like this, if not for...

Apprehension tried to rise up within me, only to be deflected before it can seek to trouble my heart. I smile slightly, humbled that _my _feelings have become a concern. I know now that what I plan to do today has been sanctioned by the gods. No matter what happens, success or failure, I know I am in the hands of my gods. I am touched that my comfort with the happenings of this day is held in such a high a regard.

Somehow, it suddenly feels right to intone the highest prayer of praise for my own patron god, Lord Anubis. I delve deeper into that conviction and...

_"So, you have found me. Far sooner than I anticipated, but, it is of no concern." _Warm approval colors the tone, of a presence not my own, that flows from within my own heart.

I still in complete and utter shock.

The fleeting impression of a smile flashes across my mind's eye. _"Given what you must do today, and the fact that I helped by inspiring you to shape the way of it, is it so surprising that I would decide to help you in so direct a manner? It is not as if I've never been within your heart before," _the presence reminds me.

_"I -- I've thought so, I've hoped that you have helped me before with my priestly duties, but this... Being able to feel your presence -- to know that you are here... That you would help me, and speak with me, in so direct a manner... That you feel I am worthy... My lord, I don't know what to say..."_

_"Say nothing. There is no need. I know what you feel. How could I not? But, let me fade into the background during this day. I will step forward to assist you, when needed."_

The presence eases back. I can tell it, no, he, is still within me, but passive; allowing me to have primacy on this day. It is a strange, yet comforting thought, to realize that Lord Anubis cares about what is happening enough to not only help devise the ritual I am to perform, but dwell within me to assist as well. I would never dare demand reassurance that my gods care for me, but I am honest enough to admit it touches me deeply that they do. Especially on this day.

I complete my devotions with a lightened heart, almost laughing with delighted surprise as a veritable eruption of the other's joy surges within me when I begin the prayers to my own patron god. If nothing else, this day starts on a mystic high note, permitting me to realize that Lord Anubis is pleased with me in a very real and personal way.

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Author's notes --

I am sorry for the extensive author's notes preceding the story. I simply didn't want the story to become bogged down trying to explain these concepts when they would be considered normal and unremarkable to the characters.

It may be a bit unclear (until the events of the next chapter) but the speaker is Mahaad.

Next chapter teaser -- Chapter Two -- Redoubtable

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email or message me if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get.


	2. Redoubtable

**Chapter Two – Redoubtable**

It had been a brutal battle. I'd been worried, slightly, about releasing the full power of my ka. I know the evil of my Millennium Ring has been waiting for just such an opportunity to try to weaken my resistance to its insidious whisperings, and try to break free of my control. Fighting that evil magic, ever since I first sensed it, ever since the Ring was given to me, has wearied me. I have battled every single day since then to master the evil in my Ring and thwart its dark wishes. Somehow, resolved as I have been, focused as I am, the evil in my Ring hasn't troubled me today.

It had been glorious, in a way, to see the fullness of my ka-being in action, again. My fellow priest, Seto, has never seen the full-powered Illusionist Magician before, and so, has always assumed my ka is weak. I have tried to brush aside Seto's derisive comments and thinly veiled insults with the knowledge that he couldn't possibly know how truly powerful my ka is, but still... The comments and insults, though I try to never permit my feelings to show, have hurt. Sometimes I have wondered if indeed my ka is as strong as I remember. Perhaps I had magnified it in my memory, giving it more power than it really possesses?

Watching, _feeling_, my ka anew, unfettered, unrestrained; I know my worries have been false. I hadn't magnified my power in my memory. If anything, my power, even though I've held it tightly leashed, has managed to grow as I've become a more skillful magician over the years. Fighting the evil of the Ring internally has conversely strengthened my connection to my ka, not weakened it. Watching the Illusionist Magician, my ka-being, battle, gives me confidence. Perhaps, if this fight takes the ultimate turn I dread, I am indeed powerful enough to perform my, no, _Lord Anubis' _ritual.

Bakura rages, and rants on. Wearing the old pharaoh's diadiankh, Bakura commands not only his highly powerful Diabond, but the ka-monsters of the old king's tomb as well. That is one reason I decided to stage my confrontation with the tomb robber here. It is only fitting that Akunumkanon, the previous king, whom I have always held in the profoundest regard, is permitted to watch as I try, in my own, humble way, to rectify the sacrilege Bakura has perpetrated upon him, and his final resting place. If the old pharaoh's ba is here, in the tomb he'd originally been placed in, perhaps witnessing my attempt to defeat Bakura will salve any injury the old king has suffered at Bakura's hands, and permit him to proceed to the afterlife. I am more than willing to serve my pharaoh, the one who made me a Guardian Priest, one last time. Perhaps my actions can serve as my apology that the sanctity of the pharaoh's tomb had been disturbed.

My trap -- it fails. The thief is too swift and saves his life. What is more, he traps me between the swinging blades. How can I stop him? He must not be allowed to live and threaten my king again. _"Lord Anubis, is this the time? Is this the only alternative I have left?" _I appeal directly to the presence waiting in my heart, for guidance.

_"It is not for me to say. I am here, if you need me, but the decision must be yours."_

Life... A precious gift. There are so many things yet undone... My pupil, needing guidance... What of her without me there? She has the skill; she has the heart, but her nature is so flighty. Will she master that on her own, and discover her true self, without me to guide her? My duty... Will one of the other priests step forward to take my position, willing to offer his life in place of the pharaoh's, if need be? Will they guard him as closely as I do? My pharaoh -- my friend. I long to help him bring about the Egypt shining in his heart... He is strong, and powerful -- his heart is the biggest I've ever seen, but sometimes... He doubts himself. He doubts his vision, and his abilities. Without me to bolster him, will he dare to pursue his dream? Or will the burdens of kingship and guilt beat him down, as they did his father?

I look up, watching the shining blades slice through the air, aware of the bitter irony that they had been set here to protect the pharaoh's resting place from thieves just like Bakura. To have Bakura turn them against me, the guardian of the tomb, and more; turn the treasures of the former pharaoh against his own son, fills me with a revulsion that borders on hatred.

If I fail to kill Bakura, all of us are threatened. Mana might never have the time to learn her truest heart, if Bakura's evil plan comes to be. My fellow priests will be his targets too, for each bears a Millennium Item. My pharaoh... he too, carries an Item. No! I will not allow Bakura to threaten him, just for the misbegotten magic he carries around his neck!

I, I believe in him. I believe in my pharaoh. I believe in my friend. His heart is strong. He has the favor of the gods. Even if I am gone, his dream will drive him, and the gods will appoint another to encourage him, if that is what my king needs. Tears swim in my eyes. It pains me to realize that I am _not _indispensable to my pharaoh. I know my childhood friend does value me, quite deeply; it is that as far as the universal order, ma'at, is concerned, it is the pharaoh who is most important, not those around him. No matter how deeply the pharaoh might care for me, or others, we are just tools of fate and his will. Any one at all can serve as the implement of the king's will.

Still, imagining someone taking my place protecting my king, or someone taking my role of bolstering my friend, _hurts _as if my heart is being ripped in two.

I have to...

I have to trust.

I take a step forward.

Bakura must be stopped.

Another step.

No matter what it costs me; life, magic, spirit, soul, heart, afterlife... I don't care, as long as my pharaoh -- as long as Atem is safe.

"Ka and Ba, spirit and soul; Lord Anubis take the willing offering of yb -- my heart, and my life, please bind my ka and my ba into one, thus granting me the power to protect my pharaoh and vanquish his foe..."

The words fail me. The rest of the intonation abandons me. No, I abandon it. My heart, one half of my willing sacrifice, makes one final, desperate effort before my life is ripped from me by the sharp, swinging blade -- irony of ironies that I suffer a thief's death while crying out my heart's ardent, final words...

"My soul will be your servant forever!"

The physical pain is immense, yet, swallowed up in the torment of losing my own heart. It is as if my will, my guiding force, my sense of who I am is torn from me, leaving me abandoned, and alone, wracked and broken in pain, confusion and fear...

"Come."

I look up. A hand reaches toward me. I reach up to take it and find myself enfolded in an embrace. My eyes close of their own accord. Or maybe it is the will of the god?

"Brave son. Your sacrifice is accepted. Heart and life in return for the power to bind your ka and ba into one, releasing the ultimate potential of your magic."

Comforted, grounded again, I recognize Lord Anubis as he extracts my ba and binds it to my ka-being. And that is when a miracle occurs. Two parts of who I am, melding in this way, at the hands of a god, my patron god, mesh and blend, becoming one.

I chance to open my eyes.

Lord Anubis is nowhere to be seen. I am held in the embrace of the purple-hued armor my ka-being wore, as my Illusionist Magician. It is odd to state it that way, but that is how it feels to me. My ka -- welcomes me, my ba, I guess, joyfully giving way before me. There is no resentment in surrendering and becoming one with me, rather, it is as if my ka is pleased to be made whole. Hence, the conviction that the armor and power of my ka is a gift, freely given, like a welcoming embrace.

How can I turn down such a generous gift? Especially when it is what I sought with my sacrifice? I, too, surrender to the unbreakable merging, giving up, once again, and for the final time, any chance at the afterlife. My only hope is that in this way, at one with the full power of my own ka, I will have the power needed to defeat Bakura, and save my pharaoh. I have no regrets as I reach toward my ka, welcoming it into myself, I hope, with as much generosity as it has shown me.

In that moment, in that joining, it is as if a secret, halved, with each half in the keeping of each part of myself, ba and ka, is also joined. That secret? My hidden ren. My true name.

My being, what is left of it, resonates with the syllables of my true name. Immense power flows through me, along with a depth of magic I'd never felt before. Grounded in that power, at one with it, I reach out and discover --

-- the power of Dark Magic. A power that has been there within me, unrecognized, untapped, all this time. Surely this is a power that can destroy Bakura's Diabond and seal the tomb robber's fate!

Now, through that same Dark Magic, I can see my patron. Lord Anubis nods his head sharply, once. "The contract of your spell is now complete. You have been granted the power you sought, and paid for with your life and heart." Anubis stares deeply into my eyes, perhaps taking the measure of the being he created at my request -- the being I have become. His hand comes to rest lightly upon my chest.

"I hope it is enough. I hope that you will be satisfied." He disappears.

The only satisfaction I need is Bakura's death. All that I need is to know that my pharaoh is safe. Ma'at will take care of the rest of my concerns; what is meant to be, will be.

The tomb robber rages on. His foul presence and the existence of his hatred-driven perversion of a ka offend me, driving my just rage into a towering pillar of power. At the base of that pillar, I channel the power of my anger into the Dark Magic I have become one with. Again and again I smite Bakura's ka-beast with bolts of pure Dark Magic. I am satisfied to see Bakura flinch at each hit.

The look of utter horror at his defeat when his ka-beast falls fills me with a sense of completion. The rubble of the chamber falling to pieces will bury the foul tomb robber's body with more honor than he is due, but there is no recourse for it.

With my enemy vanquished, my Dark Magic ebbs. The last spell I cast before the ritual that took my life was not one using my own personal magic. No, I'd used the power of my Millennium Ring one final time before sacrificing my life to become -- Dark Magician. That last spell I cast, when I was still Mahaad, the bearer of the Millennium Ring, even though I no longer hold the Item personally, sweeps over and through me, dissolving me just as the room caves in on top of me. My last conscious thought is that if I'd cast the spell properly, my ka should appear on the tablet I'd brought with me and left outside. If my spell is permitted to work, my soul will indeed serve my pharaoh as his loyal servant forever, as I intended to enclose it, with that final Millennium Ring spell, in the tablet for him to use.

Again, the magic newly revealed to me, Dark Magic, enables me to see in a realm beyond mortal sight. This time there are two gods regarding me. I recognize Lord Anubis. The other god appears as his twin, until I take a closer look. Lord Wepwawet, the Opener of the Ways. I am confused. I am dead, now, having sacrificed my life to become Dark Magician, but...

"Come," Lord Anubis holds out his hand again. I take it, trusting in the god I had served as well as I knew how all of my life.

"Though there are irregularities in how you died and what has happened to you, the proper forms must still be followed. For now, as with all newly dead, I will place you in the care of Wepwawet. He will lead you and protect you along the path to where you must go," Anubis tells me, suiting action to words by placing my hand in the hand of the other god. I cannot say the gods smiled, but a sense of satisfaction that I was obeying without argument seemed to flow around me.

Lord Anubis looks directly into my eyes. I can read the smile on his face when it is so broad. Pleased? Is my deity pleased with me?

"Your trust in us will keep you safe along your way. I have other duties to perform, but I shall see you again, soon." Lord Anubis disappears.

"Come," the grey-headed jackal god, Lord Wepwawet, commands. My hand still cradled in his, I follow where he leads.

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Author's notes -

:weeps: This was such a _hard_ chapter for me to write!

Next chapter teaser -- Chapter Three -- Redemption

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email or message me if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get.


	3. Redemption

**Redemption**

"Who will speak for this lost son?"

It was as I had feared. Coming here, to the judgement, incomplete, unjustified -- throws the gauntlet of challenge down before the gods, so to speak, as they have no way to weigh my heart, judge my soul, or measure my life. I bow my head, accepting the inevitable, damning silence, as it is Lord Anubis, the god I claim as my own patron and follow most closely, and the only one who could possibly speak for me, who asks the question. According to ma'at, Anubis will not be permitted to speak for me as that would unbalance his impartiality as one of those critical to the judgement process.

Lord Wepwawet guided me safely through many trials to bring me here, the grand Halls of Ma'ati for the weighing of the heart -- the formal judgement by the gods of how I had lived my life. But his duty to me is now complete. Despite the manner of my death, and the incomplete and imperfect way I manifest now, I have been treated exactly as one who had simply died. However, the defects in my being worry me. I felt the stirrings of hope when Lord Anubis greeted me after I defeated Bakura, but that faint comfort has fled. There is no way he will be permitted to go against ma'at to speak for me now. I am doomed.

"I will."

I turn his head to see who is willing to speak on my behalf. Golden-hued, cat-like eyes capture my gaze.

"Lord Maahes, I never -- I never served you," I admit, recognizing the god -- known by one of his names as 'the Truth Before Ma'at'.

The lion-headed god nods sharply, once.

"I know. I am still willing to stand by your side and speak on your behalf."

"Why?" As the word slips out, honestly wrung from my deepest being, I regret it. Here is one willing to speak for me, in this judgement where, by the manner of my death, I have sacrificed my right to speak for myself. I left no carefully prepared body with the proper rituals and spells in place to prevent my heart from speaking against me. Not that_ that _will be a concern, given how I died. I sacrificed my heart, therefore, I have no heart to be weighed. I forced a pre-judgement merging of ba and ka, though I am not yet justified and able to become akh. I caused my own death and abandoned my sacred duty to guard the pharaoh. That anyone is willing to speak for me -- is a miracle. Now, I want two, for I want to understand the reason.

"Seeking understanding is not a sin," Maahes tells me. "And, with leave, I will explain to you why I am willing to speak for you."

Anubis nods, permitting the slight delay.

"There are many reasons it is in accord with ma'at that I speak for you. First, most importantly, is your innocence. You did what you did, you fractured your being, not for evil purposes, not for personal gain, not for any selfish impulse, but for the purest reason of all -- to protect the pharaoh. That is one of my duties too, so of course I would be aware of your actions on the pharaoh's behalf."

I start at that. I know it to be true; Maahes _is_ the protector of the pharaoh in battle. Seen in that light, perhaps my actions...

"Yes. Though you have not overtly served me, you have always been a receptive vessel for me, to channel those protective impulses through."

I stare, shocked by my own unknowing complicity with a god to protect my king.

"Of course, in ma'at, such liberties as I took with you, must be balanced in kind. Thus, I assisted you in your continuous battle with the evil of the Millennium Ring, keeping your ba pure of it, and helping you to seal your power from its grasp. And I would guard you, unseen, during those times you became vulnerable whenever you used magic. The fact that the final enemy you faced in life was a monstrous snake-demon is a parallel I cannot ignore either, as battling Apep is my duty aboard the sacred barque each night." The lion-headed god looks up, forcing me to meet his gaze. "There is another, more personal reason, as well. I suppose, given certain circumstances around you, it is not surprising that you have forgotten it."

"I am... This is..." I stammer out.

"We will have time to talk later, I am certain." Why does it seem the lion-headed god's fierce eyes regard me kindly?

I almost smile at the easy arrogance of the god, which reminds me suddenly of the nearly indolent assurance with which lions seem to do everything. That leonine head turns sharply at my unvoiced thought, I am certain, but Lord Maahes smiles. Though the smile bares the lethal fangs of a lion, I know, somehow, that I am to take comfort in it.

"So, you will still speak for him, Maahes?" Anubis asks, invoking the scales of judgement between his hands. Maahes nods. "Well then, present his heart."

My eyes drop again, and the faint hope I felt while Maahes was speaking shrivels and dies again. I lack that, having given my heart up to save my king...

The touch upon my chest is gentle. Startled, I look up into those golden lion eyes once more. This time, the gaze shining there holds the soft glow of the sun lighting the horizon.

"Having touched it so many times while you yet lived, how could I fail to see it when it is right before me now?" Lord Maahes asks me softly. "Your physical heart, while still important, is not what Anubis asks to weigh."

I know that, but I had sacrificed my yb, the center of my being, my spiritual heart, to merge my ba and ka into one and become Dark Magician! How could I possess that still? Suddenly I recall another light touch resting upon my chest. I look over Lord Maahes' shoulder to stare into the eyes of my patron god, Lord Anubis. I recall he is also called "the Friend of the Dead". Could it be that when his hand rested there before, he returned my heart to me? I can't tell for sure, but it seems as if Anubis nods, very slightly, and only once.

Maahes slowly draws back his hand, cupping a soft flame in the shape of a heart. He smiles down at it kindly as he turns and places it upon one tray of the scale Anubis holds. At the same time, the winged goddess of truth, order and right action, Lady Ma'at herself, places the feather of judgement on the opposite tray.

Time seems to stop, if indeed it flows at all, here in the Halls of Ma'ati, as the god and goddess draw back their hands. The scale remains completely still, as my heart is in perfect balance with ma'at.

Lady Ma'at smiles at Maahes, the signal for each to remove from the scale what had been placed there, as Thoth dutiful records the result. Maahes returns to my side, returning my heart to where it belongs with the same gentle touch he had used to lift it free.

"And now, the real challenge begins," Lord Maahes tells me conversationally.

"Challenge?"

"What to do with you. As you are now, after what you did, you really aren't suited for the Field of the Blessed. Though, you have earned it. See? They go off to confer about you." Maahes points to where the gods of the judgement, Ma'at, Anubis and Thoth; along with the god of the dead, Osiris, his wife Isis, the goddess of magic, and his son Horus, patron of the living pharaoh, gather.

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Author's notes --

I've never done this before. But, I've never posted a story where I had _no_ idea what the readers thought about it either. Should I bother with continuing this? Or, should I just take it down, write it off as a bad attempt, and focus on a different story?

No love for my poor, self-sacrificing, wonderful Mahaad!

: - (

Next Chapter teaser – should there be a next chapter at all?

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email or message me if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get.


	4. Respite

**Chapter Four - Respite (Regent?)**

"Now," Lord Maahes says as he turns toward me, "it's past time for you and I to settle things!"

Startled, frightened even, I stare into angry lion eyes. Suddenly, the expression in them softens.

"Have you forgotten your own name?" Lord Maahes asks me softly.

I shake my head. "No, I... It's 'Mahaad'. And my true name..." I pause. True names hold magic even deeper than the Dark Magic I'd just recently learned. The magic of my true name is even greater than that of all the Millennium Items put together. Dare I give that control over me to a god? Even one as seemingly helpful as Lord Maahes? He spoke for me when no one else would at my judgement. It seems right to share even that deeply personal, newly discovered secret with him.

"My true name is..." His hand covers my mouth, preventing me from uttering it. He smiles at me.

"I am greatly pleased that you would share that with me, Mahaad, but no." Lord Maahes' eyes smile at me. "There is no need to utter it. Since I am your patron, your ren was my birth-gift to you. It is I who gave you your true name in the first place. No, I speak of the name your parents gave you, your birth name. I believe you may have forgotten it."

My birth name? I had lived at home with my parents and sister for only a few years before I was sent to the palace to grow up in the court of pharaoh in the hopes that I would become one of the prince's loyal, noble subjects. I was fortunate that prince, Atem, chose me to become one of his friends, as well. The name I have borne my entire adult life had actually been given to me, by him.

It had been so long since I last used my birth name that I had all but forgotten it.

"'Mahesenseteped'," I finally state. "That is the name I was given by my parents."

"I can see how the young prince derived 'Mahaad' from that," Maahes notes. "But say it again, slowly if you must."

"Mahesenseteped, Mahes-en-setep-ed," I obey, sounding out each word that makes up my name. This is so familiar to me! When had I done this before? My head drops in shame as my memory makes the meaning become clear to me.

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"Comport yourself with decorum at all times," my father had instructed before sending me on my way to the palace for the first time. "The prince will look like a little boy, but do nothing to upset him. He is the falcon in the nest, the crown prince, and will one day be the pharaoh. If he is pleased with you at your meeting today, you will have a chance to become part of his court."

I kept this thought uppermost in my mind as I was brought into the prince's chamber.

_"He's so small!"_ I thought when I first laid eyes on the prince. _"Three years younger than me. Yet, not weak. His eyes are so lively, even though he seems so composed. I bet he's very smart. I wonder if he will think I'm smart, too?"_ Somehow, it had become very important to me that the prince like me.

"I am Mahesenseteped, son of Setepenmaahes," I stated my name, my father's name and my lineage proudly. My family has always served the throne with loyalty and devotion. I wanted to impress the prince, I wanted the prince to like me. I _desperately_ wanted the prince to like me. Not because of my father's instructions, well, not entirely; but because of the grand spirit I could sense within him, even then, even though he was still a small child.

Those huge, serious, warm, brown eyes blinked. I found myself entranced by the motion and the soft light that suddenly sparkled in the prince's eyes.

"Mahaad."

It was the first word he had uttered in my presence. I was startled, only for a moment, by how deep, yet child-light the prince's voice sounded. So complete was my surprise that it took me a full moment to realize that's what the prince thought my name was.

_"Oh, I don't want to disappoint or upset the little one, but..." _I thought.

"It_ is _a hard name to pronounce." I tried to be gentle. "We could try it more slowly...?" The prince nodded solemnly.

"Mahes," the name of the deity my family held a special devotion to.

"Mahes," the prince echoed me easily.

"En," the next syllable of my name.

"En," that intriguing voice echoed me again.

"Setep," the word in my name meaning 'chosen'.

His warm brown eyes captured my attention as he repeated the word.

"Ed," I finished. I wished there were a few more words in my name, so that I could have a few more moments of the prince's time. I worried that he would find he didn't care for my company after this little lesson in how to say my name.

"Ed." That light, yet oddly deep voice finished.

"Mahesenseteped." I said my full name properly.

The soft light crept back into the prince's eyes, along with the most serious and solemn attitude.

"Mahaad."

I knelt on the floor respectfully before the prince. I remember looking for a long moment into the prince's huge and quietly sparkling eyes.

"You could say my name perfectly well, if you wanted to, couldn't you?" I asked him in a whisper. The prince's lips twitched, trying their hardest to contain his smile. The tiniest, merest nod did manage to escape. My heart jumped in delight. Could it be the prince felt that same call of the heart that I did? Did he, too, think perhaps it was our destiny to march into our futures side-by-side with each other?

"But, you want to call me something easier, don't you?" I continued quietly. Again, that suppressed smile and shadow of a nod.

"Very well. Please allow me to introduce myself again, my prince. My name is Mahaad," I agreed in my normal speaking voice, resigning myself whole-heartedly to accepting the new name and whatever fate the prince wanted to share with me.

Suddenly, the prince's arms were thrown about me. I had to fight to keep my balance against an exuberant, impulsive hug; resolving to go down under my prince to cushion the fall if indeed fall we did. Instead, holding the prince in a careful embrace of my own, my balance somehow supported us both. For some reason, though our actions were highly irregular, the prince's guards didn't take alarm. Indeed, I believe they regarded both of us with kindly gazes.

"Mahesenseteped, I like you very much! I hope you will stay and become my friend!" a gentle whisper wished in my ear.

_"Why, that little...! He could say my name perfectly well! But, I truly don't mind. If he is to be **my** prince, I suppose I am..." _My thoughts and emotions calmed as my mind came into willing agreement with the decision of my heart."I am your loyal servant, my prince," I agreed, whispering my vow. The arms around my neck tightened before the prince stepped back.

"I am Siatum-meryamun-re, son of Akunumkanon, but I'd be pleased if you'd call me Atem."

"Of course, my prince." I hoped my eyes held the same repressed, yet playful, sparkle that had danced in his eyes. Those brown eyes held no sparkle as they narrowed at me in displeasure. "What can my prince's humble, loyal servant do to please you, _Atem_?" I finished, giving my prince the satisfaction of "winning" this verbal sparring match. His laugh rang out. I resolved then and there to make that my life's goal; to do whatever it took to make that joy dwell within the heart of my prince forevermore.

--------

But, as I place the treasured memory of my first meeting with my prince, no, my pharaoh, Atem, gently back into its place of honor in my mind, and focus my attention on the lion-headed god before me now, shame fills my being. I cannot maintain my gaze with the god and my head drops.

"My Lord Maahes..." How do I apologize for this insult? "I am deeply sorry!"

A hand under my chin lifts my gaze again. The lion-headed god is smiling at me. "For what?"

"I -- I should have realized... I should have served you better..." My horror at my own actions knows no bounds.

"You always served me well in your actions, if not by name -- as you have served Anubis. Tell me what your name means."

I cannot help it. He might be regarding me with gentle eyes and an understanding face, but I am still horrified at my unintended insult, the insult that I had unknowingly committed my entire adult life.

"'Chosen Hand of Maahes'. That's what my name means," I finally whisper. "My family has always held you in high regard. The men in my family are always named for you. I had -- forgotten that. I am deeply sorry, my lord."

Again, my chest above my heart is honored to receive the light touch of a god. "Your heart always knew, even if you didn't know that you knew. You always performed my will. I am content."

I regret, so deeply, not honoring such a noble god while I lived.

"Belie that regret with how you serve me now, if you must," Maahes narrows his golden lion eyes at me. "Or do you not trust my forgiveness? But, come, let me show you around."

We are in the astral plane. It is Lord Maahes' responsibility to guard the comings and goings through the plane. He tells me that the Fields of Blessed lie beyond the Halls of Ma'ati. Pathways leading to the stars stretch out in all directions, the akhu appear as shining lights as they use those pathways to visit places I cannot even begin to imagine.

He brings me to regard a massive door.

"This leads to the Shadow Realm. Currently, that Realm is at war. The Shadow monsters are under attack by Zork, even as you battled his minion on earth. They wait, doing all they can until the arrival of their King."

"Their King? Who leads them now?"

"The King has a regent who commands in his stead, for now. You will recognize him, I am certain."

Akunumkanon, Atem's father and the pharaoh before him, steps through the door. I fall to my knees in the attitude of respect for my pharaoh without thinking about it. My head falls as I recall the desecration visited upon his final resting place and even more heinously, his body, by the tomb robber, Bakura. I feel shame that I failed to protect his tomb.

He laughs gently and raises me to stand again. "There's no need to bow before me, when you walk alongside a god!" Startled, I look into Maahes' face, just now realizing the insult I'd offered him, yet again. He smiles and shakes his head as I prepare to throw myself face down in full obeisance before him.

"I know the respect and devotion you hold in your heart. There's no need to show it to me. In fact, I will be most displeased if you make open show of it!" Maahes punctuates his command with a low growl. He stares for a long moment at me, to make sure I heed his warning, I suppose, then turns to face Akunumkanon.

"How goes the war?" he asks simply.

"Not good. We lost another battle and some more ground. I fear we will lose the Shadow Realm completely to Zork. I shudder to think what will happen to Egypt should I lose... And my son, battling against him on the other side, will face forces with power unimaginable if I do!" Akunumkanon despairs.

The battle Atem fights in life is mirrored here in the Shadow Realm? Even though Diabond was strong, how did one tomb robber come by so much power as to wage war in the Shadow Realm?

"I think the time for your act of redemption draws near," Maahes' voice carries a comforting tone in it.

Akunumkanon's face lights up as he looks up into the god's eyes. "Re-really? I can finally give over this task of holding the Shadow Realm to someone else and enter the Fields of the Blessed?"

I turn to look at Lord Maahes myself. I had never heard of one being forbidden to enter the Blessed Fields -- unless one's heart failed the judgement and was devoured by Ammit.

"You will have the chance to complete the one task your heart most desires. With that desire finally satisfied, you will be able to enter the Blessed Fields and stand proudly before Lord Osiris as one of his justified subjects," Lord Maahes explains. "Mahaad, or, depending upon what he decides, someone else, will take your place holding the Shadow Realm for the King."

As this pronouncement echoes, Akunumkanon turns to look searchingly at me. "Is he -- trapped -- as I was?"

"'Trapped'?" Lord Maahes repeats. "No. You were never 'trapped', except by the wishes of your own heart. Mahaad's situation is a bit different, as he willingly fractured his being to become as you see him now."

"He, he is..." Akunumkanon stammers.

"He is a challenge to the gods of judgement," Maahes supplies. "Judged, justified, worthy; yet his heart is also unfulfilled, as yours was. Further, he is incomplete. Deserving of a place in the Fields of the Blessed, but not suitable to enter them. Accepting the responsibility of holding the Shadow Realm for the King is one of Mahaad's possible fates, once you have completed your heart's final task. Your regency of the Shadow Realm nears its end."

The Shadow Realm? Waging war in the Shadow Realm is not what I want to do. It's not why I accepted the uncertainty of this fate! I want...

"I -- see," Akunumkanon gazes at me with a ruefully compassionate expression. "I fear you stand to inherit a difficult task from me. Currently, we hold only about one-fifth of the Shadow Realm for the King. Zork befouls the rest."

"Akunumkanon, such discussions may occur later. For now, your duty as regent is still in place. The gods have reached their decision about Mahaad, so I will escort him back. He needs to understand the full scope of it -- before making any sort of final decision."

"Mahaad?" Akunumkanon asks softly. "If I may ask -- what is the unfulfilled duty of your heart?"

"I wish to serve my Pharaoh Atem forevermore," I state simply.

Akunumkanon steps forward and places a hand on my cheek. Tears shine in his eyes. "Poor child. You've always made things hard on yourself. My son could never have a more loyal friend than you. Am I a selfish father for hoping that you are able to fulfill your heart's wishes? For I do, even though you may never enjoy the Blessed Fields because of it. Still, I think staying forever at my son's side is a sort of acceptable afterlife for you..."

Even though I don't understand all that he's talking about, I know that Akunumkanon would never wish ill for me. And, he is right. If my choice is to remain at Atem's side forever, or enter the Fields of the Blessed and never see him again, it's a very easy decision to make.

"My soul is Atem's faithful servant, forever," I tell Akunumkanon.

"May your heart's wishes lead you to happiness," he replies. The door opens behind him. Tendrils of black and purple reach out and beckon.

"I must go. I will do the best I can in this battle, to make things easier for my son in his battle." Akunumkanon squares his shoulders and enters. The door closes behind him.

Maahes stares after him. It's becoming easier for me to read the god's expression on his leonine face. I can tell he feels a regretful sort of compassion. "It is too bad that Akunumkanon's reign did not fall when the Two Lands were in a period of peace. He has always done the best he can, both in life and in his regency of the Shadow Realm, but his skills are not suited for war-time. His reign would have been one of astonishing cultural growth, marked by compassion and justice, had it only been during a time of peace." Maahes shakes off the sadness of his words with a quick toss of his head, and reaches out to take my hand.

"It is time to find out what the gods of judgement have decided about you."

-----------------

Author's notes -

Next chapter teaser -- Chapter Five – Retainer

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email or message me if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get.


	5. Retainer

**Chapter Five - Retainer**

"I have something difficult to tell you," Maahes says.

My heart thuds painfully. Could it be that despite everything -- sacrificing myself willingly, passing the judgement, and discovering that the gods are far kinder than I had ever dreamed -- the gods are not willing to correct the defects in my being? Am I still doomed, for fracturing myself to save my pharaoh?

Maahes' head shakes once. "No, it's nothing like that."

My eyes widen. Of course it makes sense that he, or any god, would know my thoughts, but why would would he care?

"Stop that!" Maahes growls. I freeze instantly. Will I ever manage to not offend this god to whom I owe so much? His fierce lion eyes soften as he places a hand on my cheek, forcing me to meet his gaze. I am stunned to realize that his expression, while soft, is also proud. Is he -- pleased with me? But ... "I know you have heard several times about how you are different, incomplete, imperfect, and thus, not able to enter the Fields of the Blessed, but the truth is ... " 

"Not to be revealed now." Startled at the new voice, I look up into the face of a king. No, not merely a king, the face of a god. By his green hue, for he is green from the crown of his head to bottom of his feet, I realize I face Lord Osiris, god of the afterlife and, in truth, the very king of the Blessed Dead. My reaction, so automatic that thought never enters into it, is to sink to the ground and offer the fullness of my homage to him. Gentle hands on my right and left lift me again, to once more face this one of the supreme gods. As if to support me against his stern regard, Maahes and Anubis remain next to me, on either side. I cannot help but feel they are mutely offering their support.

Osiris does nothing so obvious as smile, but, even from him I receive, somehow, the sense that I have met with his approval. "If not for your true devotion and honest humility, we would have cause to be gravely concerned by the challenge you present us, and the power you wield," he begins. "But there is no need for us to be concerned. You know your place and your respect for us is genuine. I am quite pleased with you, Mahaad."

"My Lord Osiris, I ..." 

He holds up a hand, forestalling the rest of my statement. "Still, from what you have done and the power you have gained, you are not as the other Blessed Dead. Unlike others, there are two possible fates for you in your afterlife."

Two fates? I had never heard of such a thing! Yet, I know that what I have done has never been done before, either. How kind the gods are to go to such lengths for me. Why has it taken me this long to realize how much effort they are expending on my behalf? Not only are they concerned with what happens with me, but each is taking care to manifest in a form that I can instantly recognize -- the lords Anubis and Wepwawet with the heads of jackals, Maahes' lion head, too; and now Lord Osiris with his green skin and raiment.

As Osiris continues, the goddess Ma'at gazes levelly into my eyes and nods solemnly, though an enigmatic smile plays about her lips. "Either one of the fates you may chose serves to further ma'at, so it falls to you to select the fate you wish. Still, before you can make such a decision, there is something you need to know." Osiris nods to Maahes. "Tell him."

"The one you sacrificed your life to defeat, Bakura, lives. Further, he escaped the tomb you designed to trap him, and plots even more vigorously against your pharaoh."

"N,no!" I cannot help but feel the blackest despair at this revelation. And, I'm not there to guard my pharaoh! Furthermore...

"My, the Ring? The Millennium Ring?" I rasp out.

"The thief holds it now. He is able to fully use its power." Lord Maahes confirms reluctantly. 

"It was all for nothing. I gave up everything -- for nothing!"

"No, not for nothing. It is true that the unbalancer has gained from your battle with him. But, you gained, too," Anubis reminds me.

"My lord, not to argue, but I used this new power of Dark Magic against Bakura. Yet, he survived. Perhaps my heart isn't..."

"Your heart is more than pure enough," the goddess Ma'at steps forward. I cannot help but shiver at the wisdom in her eyes. "Sometimes the path of ma'at is not always straight. There may be obstacles in the way. Sometimes, a soul stumbles upon another's path. What seems insurmountable to one, is possible for another."

That's right. It isn't all about me. Ultimately, I am a priest, a magician, important to the court, but not the one around whom the court revolves. Have I stumbled upon a part of my pharaoh's path? Did I take on something I had no right to think I could strive against? Or perhaps, even this, even failing, even my death, is part of ma'at, too. Dare I believe that my pharaoh will be inspired by what happened to me to strive even more powerfully against his foe? No, Atem would fight against a defiler of tombs with all his might without such inspiration.

"My death is still meaningless. My pharaoh would fight with all his being against one such as Bakura." 

"Your death, in and of itself, is not important to ma'at."

"Oh." My soul shrivels a little at this cold pronouncement. Was my existence, then, a thing of no import? Has my death and what to do with me now become a godly jest? I just wanted to protect my pharaoh! I just _want_ to protect my friend.

"It is the decision you make now that is important. Your death was only to place you here, where you can make this decision." The goddess holds out her hand. Upon her upturned palm the base of her scale, the one that has already weighed my heart, appears. The balances are misted in shadows -- black swirling together with gold and purple.

"You created much order, ma'at, in how you lived your life. Magician -- using the heka you had been given always for the will of the pharaoh, and always for the good of the people or the punishment of transgressors. You cut yourself off from your own birth-gift, the full strength of your heka, to prevent it from being perverted by the foul presence of the Millennium Ring that it was your destiny to wield. Priest -- serving your pharaoh always to the best of your ability. You used the authority of your position to command others in an appropriately dutiful respect for the final resting places of those who had died. How you lived your life, and how you used your power, count up a measure of right actions that earns you a place in the Blessed Fields."

The swirling shadows part from the tray on the left. A tiny image of me, garbed in the headdress of my station as one of the pharaoh's chosen priests, adorned in the linen and gold robes of my priestly duties, stands in the tray.

"You can choose to go with me when I return to the Blessed Fields. I will make you akh, completely able to share in all the glories and blessings of my kingdom and permitting you to ride within the solar barque, if you so wish. If you choose this path, you will be as the rest of the Blessed Dead, and entitled to the same honor as they in my Fields," Lord Osiris tells me.

"You created much order, ma'at in how you faced your death. Magician -- releasing and mastering the full power of the heka you had held so tightly reined for so long -- mastering too the evil of the Millennium Ring. Priest -- facing your death with complete trust in us, and for the purpose of restoring honor to the dead by destroying the one who defiled a pharaoh's tomb. Desiring to serve, and protect your pharaoh, even past your dying breath. How you crafted your death, and how you learned a new power, count up a measure of right actions that earns you a different destiny, if you so choose it."

The swirling shadows part from the tray on the right. A tiny image of me, garbed in the purple armor I even now wear, grasping the green staff of Dark Magic, stands in the tray.

"You can choose a different destiny. You will be as you are now, neither alive nor wholly dead, wielding a magic never seen before in the world, and able to pass freely through the astral gate between this world and the one you left behind. If you choose this path, you will walk a lonely road. Ultimately, you will serve your pharaoh directly, but, your will, should you chose this destiny, would no longer be your own. You will be his most loyal servant to command -- one from whom any sort of disobedience is not possible. Your will, taken away from you completely whenever you are summoned into the world, might even compel you to strive against him," Lord Anubis warns.

"But, you would be able to honor the final wish of your heart. You would be your pharaoh's loyal servant -- forever. His path of ma'at becomes your own," Maahes tells me.

"The Blessed Dead are not cut off from the ones they loved in life," Lord Osiris continues. "However, the manner of your death is one where it will be difficult for your ka or your ba to make themselves present in the world of the living."

I grasp what he is saying immediately. Again, the bitter irony is that the fate I sought to give the tomb robber -- the unintended honor of being interred within a pharaoh's tomb, yet, without the rites and rituals to permit that honor hold any meaning -- is my own. I left no body through which my ka could make itself known, and without the proper rites, my ba has no way to find either the tomb I had prepared for myself, or the tomb where my body finally ended up. I wasn't forbidden from trying to reach the ones I love most in the world again -- I simply had no way to.

"However, it seems that the presence of the gods, and the richness and pleasure of the Fields of the Blessed more than make up for this, for those Blessed Dead who have the same problem facing you now."

"If you choose the path on the right, you will be remade. Neither human, nor akh, but a creature of Shadow, completely under the command of your master." Anubis warns.

What do I do? Which path do I choose? Lord Osiris is explaining the advantages and shortcomings of the one fate clearly enough. Lord Anubis seems to be warning me from choosing the other. My will not my own? Being commanded by a master? The only one I'd want to use my power if I were not permitted to is Atem -- my pharaoh. Anyone else, I shake my head, I wouldn't accept as my 'master'. But, it seems it is the only fate where I might still be able to help my pharaoh. Isn't that what I want most of all? Isn't that why I am here facing this choice? Wait, is that what this is? This is my chance to take a step back from the actions I've already taken, and change my fate one final time? Confusion swirls in my heart. I raise my eyes and glance around.

Lady Ma'at stands patiently, the scales displaying my choice still resting in her hand. Lord Osiris wears a kindly expression, wanting me to accept the blessings of his kingdom. Lord Anubis appears concerned. And Lord Maahes ...

In Maahes' eyes I see an empathy. Sorrow and pride war in his gaze. All of the gods have regarded me kindly, but in Maahes, I feel ... a special closeness. Almost like kinship. I know, I trust that all the gods want what is best -- for ma'at, the pharaoh, me -- but in that order. Somehow, though Maahes wants the same things, it's almost as if he wants what is best for me first.

"It is your choice." His voice is soft, but somehow holds the roar of a lion, cutting through my confusion straight to my heart. "Yes. Your heart. It has guided you so well thus far. Anubis accepted it as part of the sacrifice you gave to gain your power of Dark Magic, but he returned it to you almost immediately." Lord Anubis smiles and nods. "So, listen to your heart now," Maahes advises.

"If you choose the Fields of the Blessed, you will be perfected. Any concern or sorrow will be remedied. However, it is true you have no way to reach back into the world of the living, given how you died and where your final resting place is. Rather, if you were to try, you'd manifest as a ghost, at best, and most likely not be recognized." Lord Osiris clarifies. "You will be separated from those you love among the living, until the time when they, too, enter my Blessed Fields. And ..."

Lady Isis stepped forward, resting a hand on her husband's arm. "I can tell you that your pharaoh, the one you care about so much that you were willing to sacrifice all to save, may never step foot in those Blessed Fields."

"Surely he, of all people, deserves...!" I begin.

"Even we don't know for certain the path ma'at takes. If he does not enter the Blessed Fields, it is unlikely that it is because Ammut feasts on his heart," Ma'at, the goddess, reassures.

"Still, he may never come to enjoy the peace and rest of the Fields of the Blessed," Lady Isis finishes.

Why would he never...? Oh. Could that be it?

"The other fate is one rife with struggle, strife, uncertainty and sorrow. However, you would for once and for all, reaffirm your heart's vow, witnessed by us, and have your fate tied forevermore to your pharaoh." Lord Anubis gestures to the purple-clad figure on the tray.

"What does your heart say? Which fate do you choose for _yourself_?" Again the subtle roar in Lord Maahes' voice cuts right through my confusion to speak directly to my heart.

It is a huge decision, even more important than the one I made that ended my life. Do I reach for the familiar and known, the one where I will rest in the comfort and pleasure I earned in life as one of Osiris' Blessed Dead now? He's reassured me that I would not worry about my pharaoh, and he is correct -- all those I left behind will one day or another enter those Fields for themselves. I would see them all again.

Except, possibly, for Atem. My pharaoh. I might not worry, as one of the Blessed Dead, but ... He deserves someone to worry for him. So that he doesn't have to worry about himself.

And, I left things undone. Bakura, (may his name be forgotten forever!) still lives, and now he uses the very Millennium Item I bore against my pharaoh. He would not have that power if I had succeeded in killing him. Perhaps, as 'a creature of Shadow' I will learn a power that will be strong enough to take care of him, once and for all. So that my pharaoh need not worry about him again. So that those I love, that I left behind, will live out their lives in peace until the day they too face the weighing of the heart, and enter the Fields of the Blessed.

My eyes fall to the purple-encased figure on the scale. My ka's armor had felt like an embrace when I first donned it, but now ... Isn't it a sort of prison? It certainly does not contain the lightness and freedom of the robes I am most accustomed to wearing! Still, it is oddly comfortable to me, though I've never worn anything like it before. I would become trapped in a will-less duty to a 'master' just as I would be trapped to wear the armor, but Lord Anubis told me that my master would ultimately be Atem. Regarding him as my master, the master of my will, distresses me not at all. For him, I am willing to sacrifice even my right to choose my own actions -- after all, I may no longer be alive, but I can still follow the voice of my heart.

My heart. The vow of my heart. _"I am your loyal servant forever!"_

I reach a steady hand forth and gently take the purple-clad figure from the scale. "This. This is the fate I choose."

"So be it. Embrace the destiny you have chosen." At her command, I bring the tiny figure up, and press it against my heart. The scale, with the choice of the afterlife of the Blessed Fields, disappears from Lady Ma'at's hand as the figure disappears from mine, to take its place in my heart. "I acknowledge the Dark Magician." She smiles at me, seemingly kindly, one last time, and disappears.

"All your tomorrows are wrapped up in your chosen pharaoh's. Until he steps foot in the Fields of the Blessed, if ever he does, you are not permitted." Lord Osiris gazes sternly at me. I wonder if he is disappointed by the choice I made. He turns and regards the god on my right with that stern gaze. "I charge you, Maahes, with overseeing the Dark Magician's actions. Until such time as his chosen pharaoh completes his destiny, Mahaad is your personal charge."

"As you wish, Lord Osiris," Maahes inclines his head respectfully.

"Further, the risk of knowing his own ren must be remedied," Osiris continues. "As his will is now subject to being controlled by others, such dangerous knowledge must not be permitted to fall into evil hands."

"I will safeguard it, my lord," Lord Maahes' eyes seem bleak. "But without knowing his true name, how is Mahaad to recall the knowledge of Dark Magic?"

"_The Dark Magician_," there is a tiny emphasis in Osiris' voice, perhaps indicating this is my new name under this fate, "will be instructed in the ways of Dark Magic by Thoth and Isis if he should forget once he is relieved of the burden of his true name." Maahes nods his head.

Lord Horus, who has merely witnessed everything silently until now, steps forward. "Father, is he also to take command of the Shadow Realm? The time for Akunumkanon's release is at hand, and the realm needs a strong regent to hold it for the king. I think the Dark Magician is just the one we've been waiting for."

"I believe he will have a few duties to tend to in the Two Lands first, but yes. Ultimately, he will hold that regency as well. You will take the task of instructing him?" Horus nods. "Good. Then, all is settled here."

Lord Osiris looks at me searchingly. "Dark Magician," he begins, "Mahaad, you are not permitted to enter my realm, but you are still a child of my heart. I am not displeased with the choice you have made." With those comforting words, Osiris vanishes.

"Send him to me when he is ready," Lord Horus regards me with gleaming falcon's eyes. "I will teach him what he needs to know about the war in the Shadow Realm." He nods toward Anubis and Maahes, and strides off.

"We will confer on how best to teach the Dark Magician the secret arts, as well," Lady Isis states. At her nod, Lord Thoth bows his head and follows her.

"I was pleased when you discovered your true name," Lord Maahes lifts miserable eyes to meet mine. "I wish I didn't have to take it away again."

"It would leave Mahaad too vulnerable if he remembers it," Lord Anubis counters. "Since he can be compelled beyond his own will as the Dark Magician, that is."

"I know," Maahes still seems sad.

"It is a splendid name," I offer. "My heart feels as fierce as a lion just knowing it!" Maahes smiles. "But, if it's dangerous for me to know, if it will make it so I can be used against my pharaoh, or my gods, wouldn't it be better if it is in your keeping -- instead of mine? You can guard it better than I can."

Lord Anubis smiles at me. "You understand the need to forget it. That is good. Come, Maahes, you are doing this to protect him, not deprive him." Maahes still wears a rebellious air as he glares at Lord Anubis. He blinks, evidently at a sudden thought, then blinks again. I can't see it, but somehow, I sense -- that he is smiling.

"Your true name ... I inscribe it upon your heart." Maahes steps forward, resting his hand yet again, above my heart. Unlike the times he touched me thus before, his finger traces a slow, deliberate circle around my heart. "I will bind your ren again, protecting it from being revealed, within the cartouche of my watchful regard. Your heart, beyond the reach of your will, can still know your true name without risk." He glances up at Lord Anubis with something of a challenge sparking in his golden, lion eyes. "I will not take that knowledge completely away from you. And, if ever there is a time when it is not dangerous for you to fully know it again, all you need to do is ask and I will reveal it to you." Maahes regards me with a rebellious sort of dignity. "This is the best I can do."

Lord Anubis barks out a laugh. "It is sufficient. Lord Osiris merely wants the risk erased. If Mahaad doesn't know his true name in a way that makes him vulnerable to others, there is no risk."

"Good." Maahes blinks, as if steeling himself. His palm flattens against my chest again, and a shock shoots through me at his touch. Purple and gold, swirling shadows of grey and black, circles of binding, hats of concealing, boxes of death and through it all, a lion's voice roaring, an important word I can't quite make out through all the sensations swirling in my mind ...

The world tilts, and stands upright again. No, it's me who's once again upright, leaning heavily against the sturdy strength of a lion-god's arm. I feel weak, so I need to rely on that strength.

"I, I don't remember it, but I know my true name is a splendid name!" I declare softly.

Maahes regards me quizzically. "Yes, it is." A gleam enters his eye. "But so is the name meaning 'Chosen Hand of Maahes', don't you agree, Mahesenseteped?"

Yes, it is. I suppose, when I am not 'Dark Magician' I should use that name, now, given all that has happened ... I nod at him.

"But," Maahes sighs deeply and looks up toward the heavens as if for strength, "I must admit, the name 'Mahaad', especially how you received it, has its own splendor, too. And, it is the name most familiar to your heart." Does this mean he doesn't mind if I keep it? It might be a name given to me as a whim by a child prince, but, it _is_ the name I am most comfortable with. If Lord Maahes understands that, and permits me to continue using it ...

"Ah, Mahaad, you are indeed my 'chosen hand'," Maahes smiles down at me. "Come. I will guide you to those who can tutor your in this 'Dark Magic' you are now struggling so hard to understand." Placing my hand in his, and following where he leads, has somehow become as natural as any action I had taken in life.

"Your master will have need of your Dark Magic very soon, now." Anubis states.

This warning causes me to shiver. Yes, things might have settled to a balanced resolution for me, but Atem, my pharaoh, is still in peril. I must learn all that I can of this new Dark Magic, so that I can help him!

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Author's notes -

Next chapter teaser -- Chapter Six – Return

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email or message me if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get.


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